More drawing.

July 31, 2007 at 5:44 pm (Uncategorized)

chrysanthemum

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The way of seeing.

July 31, 2007 at 12:59 pm (Bloom Status: Upward)

Maybe you’ll remember something like a year ago when I wrote about how meditation eludes me. And maybe you won’t remember that, because MAYBE NO ONE IS THERE because this space has been stagnant for so long.

Me too.

But many things have moved. My weight, it moved down. It has moved down 40 pounds. My muscles, they’re moving now. A trainer makes me make them move three times a week, which makes me able to keep my large, wild baby boy from throwing himself into the way of traffic or off of high things.

My show, what I wrote about before, it’s moving. It was moving fast for a while there. And now it’s moving slow while I try and catch up with myself. Long ago I was writing about a stupid trip to jail I made. And then, fortuitously, it changed to a story about spirituality: mine, from springboard to mid-air to present location.

I have a present location, because I now am the proud possessor of a nascent spiritual practice.

Look at this website. The Way of Seeing. I don’t remember how I found it. Grace and good fortune, I think. These folks offer free meditation classes. The whole thing appealed to me – I couldn’t find anything to object to, it all seemed so reasonable and humble. So I went, and have kept on going, and I’ve moved from the beginner’s class to the practitioner’s class.

In the morning, I meditate for 25 minutes: a counting meditation. Then I lie back for a few more minutes, attempting to keep a quiet mind. And then, in the ideal world I’m hoping to live in soon, I do 3-5 more small meditations a day, where the object of the meditation is what one is feeling at the moment, experienced as completely and wordlessly as possible.

The theory in this Way of Seeing is that backlogged feelings and needless thoughts create a lot of the stickiness our lives, and if you can turn a flashlight on them, their power over you diminishes and you get to experience your being in a very much more vital way. I think this makes a lot of sense. I also appreciate that there’s no dogma. It’s all just experiential.

Another aspect of this path is silence. You want to create a lot of it, as much as you can for yourself. Build it in all day long. I’m not very far along with this. But there’s an older woman in our class who seems to be very good at this, and whenever she talks I just sit there in wonderment. I find her so gentle and accurate and non-defensive and open and brave. She sits there pulsing somehow with both great feeling and deep calm. I’d like to be like her someday.

On August 19th, I think I’m going to meet the main teacher of this path. (The classes are taught by advanced students, who I find to be excellent advertisements for Ken. They’re so warm and calm and friendly, and they inspire trust.) I’m excited. I will tell you how it all goes.

Bloom Status: Very far upward, now, let’s face it. It’s cumulative. But now that I’ve recorded these changes, the needle is in neutral again. The bloom needle.

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Salieri in the afterlife.

July 31, 2007 at 12:26 pm (Uncategorized)

salieri in the afterlife

This space needed a little new blood in here.  So this is a drawing I made while trying not to think.  I’m trying to spend less time thinking.  I will tell you why in the next post.  It won’t be in a year.  It might even be in like 15 minutes.  I feel bloomerangy.

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